Melancholy emotions

I just finished reading this blog post and it brought tears to my eyes.

Just this morning, I told Ianne that I finally feel like I'm bonding with my baby. Breastfeeding for us has become a breeze. I certainly haven't enjoyed it as much as I thought I would and I never really felt like it was connecting us or bonding us or any of that stuff other mama's talk about. But I've noticed lately that I feel like I need it. Maybe even more than Linus does.

We've been sneaking him tiny samples of things. He's obsessed with water. He acts like it's the biggest treat. Which is wonderful because I love water and I think it's one of the best things for the human body. He also, surprisingly or maybe unsurprisingly (if you know his daddy), loves black coffee. He would drink a whole mug of it if Ianne didn't finish it so fast. Green smoothie is another hit. Oh my goodness, he gets kind of crazy whenever we let him have a little. He does not like avocados...

My milk supply seems to have slowed down a little bit and I started getting nervous. I have the best crunchy hubby that reminded me, "your body is making and will make exactly the amount he needs". Sometimes it's really perfect to be reminded that everything is alright.

I have felt an enormous amount of pressure from a few people to start Linus on food. My heart, my instinct, feels the very opposite. He's only four and a half months old! He doesn't have any teeth yet! He's growing and gaining weight! Breastmilk is the perfect food for him right now and there are so many benefits! The exclamation points are because my heart literally screams these things at me. I know that introducing food is another step of independence that some people are looking forward to, but I don't believe Linus is ready for it and honestly, I don't think I'm ready for that yet either.

So, I take it all back. All of the times that I have felt like nursing is a chore, every complaint I make during those middle-of-the-night feedings, every time that I've had to nurse in public and felt embarassed and inconvenienced, and yes, every time I've said that I don't feel a breastfeeding bond. I do feel a bond. It may have just started blossoming (hey, better late than never!), but it is beautiful and it feels so right to continue to nurture my son with a delicious, milky richness that only I can provide for him. My body is producing exactly what he needs and I am experiencing a connection, a love much deeper than I thought possible.

 

[ Any and all negative comments about this picture should be kept to yourself. Obviously, if you have any qualms with someone nursing their baby, you have never nursed a baby yourself. ]